She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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