I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
