You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
