We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
