also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
