doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Someone shit on the floor
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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