Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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