just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
