my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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