somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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