Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize