There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
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