Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
