She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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