ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
