you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
