So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
