just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
