then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
