Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
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