Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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