You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
