i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
