i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
