Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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