I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
