the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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