I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Randomize
