I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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