I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
