I bet he comes in French.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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