And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
