i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
