Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
