You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
