Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
