Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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