I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize