Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
