I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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