Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
