I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
