____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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