I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Well I just put wine in my tea
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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