Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
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