if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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