please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
