Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
