she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
