My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
