i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
