two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
