My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
