My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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