and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
