I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
