Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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