Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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