ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
