he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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