she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
