I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
