I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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