Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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