Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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