I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
